Part 2: No Is A Complete Sentence; The Dangers of Self-Sabotage

Before we get started let me say hello & welcome to another edition of Tiana Sherell Speaks. If you’re new here I’d like to welcome you & if you’ve been here before welcome back, it’s so great to have all of you here. We have a lot to cover so I want to jump right in. I know in Part 1 I said we would revisit our discussion about projects we neglected to complete pre-COVID but after the feedback I received from Part 1 The Power of No...It’s A Complete Sentence I would like to focus on The Dangers of Self Sabotage. Before we go any further if you haven’t read Part 1 I highly recommend doing so before reading any further. It’s ok really…I promise I’ll be here when you get back. For everyone else you know the drill. Find a quiet spot, grab your favorite snacks, your favorite beverage, a pen, some paper & let’s get started. Now that you’re ready sit up straight, plant your feet firmly on the floor, breathe through your nose & slowly exhale through your mouth (repeat as many times as needed).

Let’s take a brief intermission to discuss what self-sabotage is so we have a better understanding. Self Sabotage is behaviors or thought patterns that hold you back & prevent you from doing what you want to do; Having goals & expectations that are achievable with enough time, effort & planning, & then not accomplishing them due to doing other behaviors other than what you truly want & need to do, often without an understanding why, an overwhelming sense of guilt & as a result a sense of remorse, sadness & shame.

How is it we are able to help everyone else assess & execute what they should be doing but find it difficult to give ourselves that same push? In my previous blog No…It’s A Complete Sentence I talked about how I had spent so many years being a cheerleader, supporter, encourager, coach, mentor, nurse, & big sister to everyone else (with the purest of intentions because I want to see everyone win), but I neglected to put that same energy into pushing myself. Part of me pushing everyone else was to avoid some of the projects God placed in my heart to do because I was too afraid to fail. In my mind it was easier to avoid it by pushing those around me because that’s not failure at all right? lol

At some point you get tired of feeling stuck & watching life pass you by while everyone else lives your dream(s) so you have no choice but to make a choice. We invest so much time & energy into helping others pursue what they are passionate about & watch them triumph while we still feel incomplete & unfulfilled. We ultimately become angry & bitter & start to resent them. How dare they try?! AND have the nerve to be successful while I sit here on the sidelines too afraid to try?!

At what point do we stop denying ourselves the power to be happy & feel fulfilled? I mean when do we start to invest that same time & energy (that we so freely give to everyone else) into ourselves? Let me be clear investing into yourself will require sacrifice & it will require you to say no to some people. Of course they aren’t going to like it & no you don’t owe an explanation because after all NO Is A Complete Sentence! When we self sabotage we are telling God:

1. We lack trust.We don’t trust ourselves & we don’t trust Him. Which ultimately shows a lack of faith. We in our own strengths & abilities can’t do it, but when we get out of the way & watch God work we will find “We can do all things through Christ that strengthens us.” Phil 4:13

2. We lack faith.We are only looking at what we can see with our natural eye & not the final outcome. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, & not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jer 29:11Faith requires action. Now faith is the [a]substance of things hoped for, the [b]evidence of things not seen. Heb 11:1

3. We are selfish.What God has placed on the inside of us is not just for us. It is to be a benefit for someone else. I’ll use myself as an example. I have been sitting on this idea for a devotional for 5+ years because I thought it was going to be too hard, too much money, who cares what you have to say, it’s stupid, nobody supports you anyway so why try, I don’t know how to do it blah blah blah blah blah. When God places something in your heart he will provide the resources. It’s up to us to recognize & accept them. So while I had already shot down the idea in my mind & talked myself out of it because of xyz here’s what I realized 1. I have a friend that is not only an author but she also owns a publishing company so she is a resource that God provided. I just needed to ask for help & do my part. 2. The process wasn’t as hard as I made myself think it was. It still requires sacrifice & effort on my part. 3. There is a need for what he gave me. This book started out as a message I shared at my church. I was looking through some of my old sermon notes for ideas for a blog & God spoke to me & told me to make this message a devotional. After speaking to my friend & getting some strong encouragement from her I was determined to get this book done. Not just for my benefit but my obedience is tied to motivating others to complete their tasks. I had become slack in sharing my blogs because I felt like what’s the use? Who reads them? Or who cares? So I let life & my own self-sabotage stop me. What I didn’t know is these blogs help encourage others to write their books or write their blogs & because I wasn’t diligent in completing the assignment God gave me others had done the same.

Examples of Self-Sabotage:

1. John 5:1-9The story of the lame man at the Pool of Bethesda. Vs 3 In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, [b]paralyzed, [c]waiting for the moving of the water. 4 For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had. 5 Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”7 The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”8 Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” 9 And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.

The 1st thing the lame man did was make an excuse why he couldn’t get into the water. I don’t have anyone to help me. Sometimes we expect others to do the work while we reap the benefits. He was looking for someone to put him in. Then he said someone else gets in front of him while he’s coming. He was making excuses and probably in his mind thinking I’ve been like this for 38 years so there is no hope for me. He had become comfortable in his current condition. Even though he had watched God heal those around him that made a move in faith while he sat by watching & waiting. Jesus didn’t physically help him get into the pool he simply told him to get up take up his bed and walk. God is telling us today no matter what your assignment is it’s time for you to rise get up from that comfortable place you have made your home. Take up your bed (gather yourself) & get busy. We have to give God something to work with. Faith without works is dead. It’s not enough to have ideas & desires it’s time for execution!

2. Genesis 3God spoke to Moses and told him to go and talk to Pharaoh & vs 11 But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, & that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?”So He said, “I will certainly be with you. And this shall be a sign to you that I have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.” Then Moses said to God, “Indeed, when I come to the children of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they say to me, ‘What is His name?’ what shall I say to them?” And God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” And He said, “Thus you shall say to the children of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’ ”Moreover God said to Moses, “Thus you shall say to the children of Israel: ‘The Lord God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you. This is My name forever, and this is My memorial to all generations. Move over to chapter 4 Moses is still making excuses vs 10 Then Moses said to the Lord, “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and [b]slow of tongue. So the Lord said to him, Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.”

Even though God had given Moses complete instructions & visual aides he still found excuses not to go. When God gives us an assignment he gives us all of the tools we need to complete it. We just need to accept the tools he provides. As I said earlier when we delay or fail to move on what God instructs us to it doesn’t just affect us. Could God have sent someone else? Yes. Could God use someone else to write that book or start that business or whatever the idea is God gave you….yes but it won’t be as effective because God anointed YOU for the task. If Moses failed to go see Pharaoh as he was instructed it didn’t just affect him. It affected those in captivity & would also affect future generations.

How do we overcome self-sabotage:

We change our thinking. We need to start to see ourselves as God sees us. And understand in our own strength we are powerless but in God’s strength we are powerful.

Rom 12:2

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Mirror confessions:

Rom 8:37

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

Isaiah 54:17

“No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, And their righteousness is from Me,” Says the Lord.

Ps 139:14

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”

I John 4:4

“Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.”

As we close out this blog I want to end the same way I ended Part 1 because I feel like someone needs this reminder…. take a deep breath in, exhale through your mouth, & repeat out loud after me:

· My life has purpose

· I add value to others

· I am a person of influence

· I am a trendsetter

· I am an overcomer

· He has invested greatness within me

· I am unapologetically perfectly imperfect

· I will no longer self-sabotage because I was created to win

Stay tuned for Part 3